Friday Gossip & Music.

I’m not sure he feels like dancing right now, but hey perhaps he does. I’d certainly be dancing if I received £8 mil in severance pay for being shite at my job, but hey I and you live in the real world.

In this week’s gossip,

As exclusively reported ⬆️ 7 Hag, or otherwise knows as 10 excuses has lost his job. Apparently he’s really, like really upset so he asked his missus to pay for this month’s food shopping. When she asked why, he said ” Coz I’m meeting me mates in Mauritius for a good old lads jollies”. He’ll be going there with several black eyes after saying that to the trouser wearer.

Looking back over the past two years I think we can all say he’s done a damn good job. We can also say 👆coz he’s a bit of a tit. ( I can’t find a tit emoji, which is a bit disappointing).

Taxi for Eric 7 Hag, 10 excuses for being shite,

In other news,

Mike eventually got home after his training session with Stu. Stu was home first for obviously obvious reasons, but my fellow 4KK Crew that’s how it ended but how did it begin…….? Ok if you’ve been following the World bicycle trial stuff you’ll know the beginning. If you haven’t been following then…..

Disclaimer, I didn’t post that, next doors cat did it when I went to the bathroom, honestly honest I tells ya.

Mike was riding home, whistling and a singing when yet another horn beeped him. Mike was like, who the fook is this now? He wasn’t amused, his chain on his bike wasn’t best pleased either as it snapped on a rather large hill. Mike was like, “WTAF?” He got off of his contraption only to peer behind to visualise on a car. The lights were at full beam. Mike couldn’t actually see the Porsche because the lights were at full beam…..as I just said fffs.

Anyfookingway, Mike squinted and thought to himself, ” That has to be Knightsbridge Jerry. Mike could see the whites of Jer’s teeth through the brightness of the head lights. He knew it was Knightsbridge Jerry. Fooknose why he was driving around a hill close to Birmingham is anyone’s guess. Come to that why the fook was Mike riding around a hill close to Birmingham? I might need to report this to the pol-ice.

After several moments of………….?…… …………..Knightsbridge Jerry shouted, ” What the actual fook are you doing up this hill close to Birmingham?” Mike cleared his visa and retorted, “What the actual fook are you doing this far away from Pompey?”… Jer was furious at this, he almost got out of his car, but hey it’s raining so it’s understandable why he stayed in the Porsche…. Then,,….the clipperty clop of hooves approached…. Mike looked to Knightsbridge Jerry as Knightsbridge Jerry looked to Mike. In unison they both said, “No, it can’t be”.

Mike wiped the rain away from his glasses as Knightsbridge Jerry wiped his windscreen with his windscreen wipers… Well, most cars have them, no?

Mike approached Jer to exclaim, ” That horse looks ratted” Jer responded, ” It must be Asif then because he has the only horse I know that gets ratted on a weekday”. He has a point. Most horses only get ratted on a Friday, though sometimes on a Saturday but never a week day.

Mike turned his head in the darkness ( he has a helmet with a light on it ) and bellowed, “Asif, is that you?” Asif replied,”Of course it’s me you fooking cunt. Help me with my horse, it’s ratted again”. Mike peered through Jer’s quarter open window and said, ” That’s definitely Asif coz he swears like Red.” Jer removed himself from his car, umbrella at the ready, obviously and shouted, ” Why don’t you come closer, we can barely see you over there in the hills and shrubs n other thingies in the darkness?”

Asif was furious and screamed, ” How the fooking hell can I come closer when my ratted horse has fallen right the fooking fook over and trapped me bastard leg under its friggin body, ya pair of twats!”.

Mike scratched his head and said to Jer, ” Are you sure that’s Asif over there in the distance between those trees and shrubs and other thingies? He kinda sounds like Red to me.” Jer responded,” It’s definitely not Red, he can’t ride a horse so it must be Asif. Besides I remember Asif’s horse is always ratted. If it was Red he’d have a cat with a sled.” Mike nodded, ” Good point.”

Mike and Jer approached, with caution, well it is dark out there..and lifted the horse off of Asif. The horse was a bit dazed…… ( ratted ) but Asif was perfectly fine, a bit wet but otherwise fine.

Asif was grateful his friends were there to help and said, ” Jer, can you tow my horse home, please?” Jer responded, ” Of course I will Asif.”

Mike fixed his chain with a portable soldering iron, Mike is always prepared for stuff like that and rode off into the abyss to tend to Daisy, ( apparently she’s pregnant again…..the filthy cow). Knightsbridge Jerry hooked up Asif’s horse to the back of his Porsche and drove down the hill ( it’s actually a huge mountain) back into Birmingham.

Upon arrival Asif said thanks and passed Jer a bag of….what I believe were boiled sweets. Jer said thanks and asked where did you get such a potty mouth from?

Asif responded, ” Fooknose🤷.”

I’m sure you’ve all got a wee bit of gossip to share but no matter if you haven’t, you can always play some music instead.

Hit it!