Friday Gossip & Music.

This week’s gossip,

It’s been an odd week for a couple of our ex players.

Hendo decided to tie up his rainbow laces and get the hell out of Holland to move to Monaco, which is in France, apparently. He said the Dutch league was far to fast paced for his aging limbs and the albatross he carries on his back like a beast of burden. He mentioned he’s moved on, not for money but success…..The money it is then. Nobody believes a word he says anyway, the prick.

As exclusively reported by the 4KK Newsroom on Wednesday, Gerrard was looking for a way out of his personal nightmare in Saudi. He begged the board to let him go……so they sacked him, though it was mutual consent. That’ll save face then, ya melt.

Rooney has been out of work for a while and thought he’d join the open university. He’s going back to basics and studying how to speak English. He said it’s something he should have learned when he was a chubby child and should not have left it til he was a fat bastard. Harsh? Couldn’t give a Fook.

In other gossip,

Asif has become increasingly worried about his horse. Last night there was a conversation about eating horse meat, it was Oscar….😂

Apparently Oscar whilst living in France was fed horse meat like it was a hen, a cow or a pig….or even a friggin sheep. Obviously all those things are allowed but eating a horse is very, very naughty. Let’s face it, you can’t ride a hen, a cow, a pig or a sheep home after a skin full can ya? No but you can ride a horse home…..just not Asif’s horse because that fooker is always ratted….the horse, not Asif.

Asif emailed, texted, WhatsApped and called the 4KK Newsroom for help with investigating just where his horse was. Unfortunately my secretary ( next door’s 🐈) had taken the afternoon off to get her nails done… Well they are sharp n my back has the scars to prove it, but that’s another story.

Anyfookingway, I was in the office and heard the phone ringing…the pings from messages and notifications from my email address….I was like fook this, I’d better answer it. I put my tablet down, I was actually enjoying the movie if I’m honest, it was called deep…….. Oh, I can’t go on. This is a family site after all.

I picked up the phone and said…..”WHAT?” It was Asif on the other end, he said, “Red, my horse has gone missing. I think Oscar might have eaten him. He might have blended him into a cake like he does with sardines….or was that Jerry? Yeah it was Jerry but Oscar thought it was a good idea, which is why I think he’s blended my horse…..can you help, Red?”

Well bugger me sideways. Once I picked myself off of the floor I said I’d be happy to help and I’ll get my most experienced West Midlands investigator on the case. To be fair, I only have one investithingy in the West Midlands because not a lot happens there, usually, though I am thinking of doubling up down there.

Without delay I put my West Midlands team of one to the task. I instructed him to first check all the local pubs up and down the mountain in Birmingham……yes Birmingham has mountains….in my world anyway.

Several hours later my investigator got back to me. He said the horse was fine, a little ratted in a pub at the top of the mountain.

Those letters and numbers below his mugshot are his prison identity, yes he’s been in trouble with the pol-ice before.

The horse ( as yet unnamed because I’ll forget it’s name by tomorrow ) hiccuped and asked, “Please don’t let Oscar in the country, he wants to eat me, he likes horses”

My highly trained Investigator called the office ( next door’s 🐈 was still out getting her nails done but to be fair she does have huge friggin nails ). I answered the phone….. interrupting another movie I was watching, Spanking a ,…….oh, I can’t reveal that one either.

My investigator informed me the horse is safe, ratted but safe in a pub at the top of the highest mountain in Birmingham. I thanked my investigator and promised a massive pay rise. 50% of 0 % is always a winner…..for me anyway, for obviously obvious reasons.

I quickly called Asif to give him the good news. Asif was so happy….until I mentioned the horse is ratted and needs a carry down the mountain. Asif was like, “What, not again? “

There’s a lesson there, buy a house closer to the top of the mountain…either that or let Oscar eat the fooker.

Ooops, I got a bit carried away there. If you’ve read all of that then Jock will buy you a pint…..good luck with that 😄.

It’s Friday so post ya Goss or ya music, it’s all welcome here.

Hit it!