England v Switzerland

A&E departments across England are on high alert amid concerns that this game, following on so closely after the general election, will tip an already frenzied population over the edge. England’s exciting and irresistable brand of football under Sir Gareth has set the tournament alight, miroring almost exactly the way in which Sir Keir led the Labour party to their inevitable victory.

Sir G and the England team have been carrying the ming vase very carefully but they know full well that the tournament only really starts after the group stages. Of course, this comes as a surprse to our friends North of the border who weren’t even aware that there were any games after the group stages. Now they know though, I am sure they too will be every bit as nervous about England’s continued progress as the England fans….