Jude Bellingham v The World

The big question coming out of the Euros is just what does Jude “Clint” Bellingham have to do to be appreciated after having single-handedly hauled England into the quarter finals. He has now put them in prime position to go on and dominate this tournament as everyone expected them to do even before it started Despite this, his detractors have picked up on a little joke he had with all his chums on the Slovakia bench to make him out to be some crude, arrogant little shit rather than the cuddly, humorous Saint we all know him to be.

The question now is because every other team is frightened of England will they ban him and if so how long should he be banned for and should the manager and other England players also be banned for assisting an offender….

I strongly refute any suggestion that this article is just a lame attempt to cover the fact that we need a filler article to help us limp towards Friday Music Night. For anyone tempted to say otherwise just remember our ever diligent legal team of Cockwater, Gash and Bumhead are watching 24/7*

• until 6pm on a Friday