Karen’s One-Star Rating – by Gord
The product on the pitch is your bread and butter, and every club has a pudding that makes their meal special: Celtic and Rangers have each other; Stoke has Nello Baldwin; Marine FC has moms who fantasize about Jamie Carragher in short shorts while getting day-drunk on white wine…long and short of it: every team has something beyond draws, wins, and losses that endears their supporters.
Compare Liverpool FC to the short list mentioned above. No disrespect to the SPL, but it isn’t exactly at the pinnacle of European Club Football. Stoke isn’t about to lift Big Ears anytime soon (or ever), and Marine play on a pitch that looks like it’s hiding a few scrap Ladas under the sod.
Liverpool supporters have been given more to celebrate in the past two years than most teams have in their entire history. It boasts a pair of Golden Boot winners, strips for sale that presently offer buying options to add special patches, players who are national heroes of their respective countries, a manager who would form a huge lineup if he offered to read bedtime stories to grown men; that’s our artisan baked twenty grain bread with hand-churned butter made from cows with gym memberships.
It also has a culture (the pudding) that draws supporters from the furthest points of the globe.
One glance at some fan forums* or social media platforms and you’d suspect that a few supporters are sending back their butties because the crusts haven’t been removed. They want to speak to the owner (FSG) and are demanding their waiter (Jurgen Klopp) be fired. The restaurant they’ve been seeing and been seen at isn’t the trendiest spot at the moment, and the regulars who’ve always eaten there are growing weary of the ‘Karens’ complaining about their entree while refusing to order the lauded desserts.
I, for one, really like visiting this metaphorical restaurant. It’s the only place I’ll eat and I’ve had some of the best dining experiences I’ll ever have in my life there. Sure, some of the ingredients have been off the menu and the ones that are still there haven’t been as fresh. Such is life. But I like the atmosphere and even when the fare hasn’t been the best I’ve choked it down (I did, however, consider lodging a complaint over the 7-2 Villa Bolognese).
It’s the puddings that are always perfect and why I’ll never eat anywhere else.
So to all the ‘Karens’ out there, posting one-star reviews of your “favourite” restaurant, remember the pudding! Refusing to indulge in the best menu options, such as the YNWA Sorbet or the Believe Brioche, while slating the place on your google review is neither supportive, nor fair. And no, you may not speak to the manager!
The entrees will get better and it could be as soon as your next visit. We’re still competing in the ‘Great British Bake Off,’ we’ve just had a few underwhelming weeks. How can Chez Liverpool be expected to win it if their supporters aren’t willing to embrace their specialty desserts?
*The 4 Korners of the Kop Fan Site is excluded from this criticism, as evidenced by the numerous memes featuring cats, laughing emojis, light-hearted cajoling, and avoidance of overt negativity. It seems the posters around here never forget the pudding.
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